Richard Rabbit’s Funeral

EXT. PEPPA PIG’S BACKYARD - RAINY DAY
Peppa Pig (reading title card): Richard Rabbit’s Funeral.

Narrator: It is raining, so Mr. Rabbit has come to visit.

Rebecca Rabbit: Hello, Peppa!

Peppa: Hello, Rebecca!

(Peppa and Rebecca jog into the house.)

Mr. Rabbit (as Peppa and Rebecca jog into the house): Bye bye, Rebecca! I’ll be back to pick you up later!

INT. PEPPA PIG’S HOUSE - SAME
Rebecca: I’ve got good news.

Peppa (surprised): What is that?

Rebecca (in a joyful mood): My little brother Richard has just passed away.

Peppa: Why?

Rebecca: I’ll whisper it to your ear. (whispering) He was found dead earlier today due to acute hypervitaminosis A, after he ate a vitamin A-rich polar bear’s liver a few days ago.

Peppa: Really?

Rebecca: Yes.

Peppa: Let me tell George.

INT. PEPPA AND GEORGE’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Peppa (whispering to George Pig): Your best friend Richard Rabbit has just passed away today due to acute hypervitaminosis A caused by eating a polar bear liver a few days ago.

(George Pig gasps, then cries loudly.)

Narrator: Richard Rabbit is George’s best friend.

(Daddy Pig enters.)

Daddy Pig: What’s all this crying about?

Peppa: I told George that his best friend Richard just passed away due to acute hypervitaminosis A, after he ate a vitamin A-rich polar bear’s liver a few days ago.

Daddy Pig: Oh.

EXT. MAIN ROAD - ONE O’ CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON
Narrator: It is the day of the funeral, and all of Rebecca and Richard Rabbit’s friends are here due to acute hypervitaminosis A, after he ate a vitamin A-rich polar bear’s liver a few days ago.

Mr. Rabbit: (shouting loudly) We would like to announce the funeral of our dearest Richard William Perseus Rabbit, who passed away of acute hypervitaminosis A today morning. As his sensual life ceases and his spiritual life continues, we will see what we receive from his spiritual messenger, Antipig. Now, can the audience please sing any national anthems from around the world?

Audience: (shouting loudly) No, Mr. Rabbit!

(The audience sings Marker Singapore, then Krang Crap Thigh, until finally, they sing A Circle-Dolloped Piece of Paper.)

Mr. Rabbit: (shouting loudly off-screen) Now, time to introduce myself because I forgot! My name is Raymond Johansson Weil Rabbit, the father of Rebecca, Rosie, and Robbie Rabbit, and the wife of Rhiannon Charlene Rabbit. I’m also the brother-in-law of Raina Pauline Rabbit, also known as Miss Rabbit. Now, it’s time for... (loudly, on-screen) Mr. Bull!

(Mr. Bull comes onto the stage)

EXT. MAIN ROAD - HALF AN HOUR LATER
Mr. Bull: Thank you for letting me come onstage, Mr. Rabbit. I’m Bertrand Claudius Bull. We’re here for the funeral of Richard William Perseus Rabbit due to acute hypervitaminosis A, after he ate a vitamin A-rich polar bear’s liver a few days ago, which is a full-scale, outdoor funeral due to the fact that he worked for politics for his entire sensual life. Although he has passed away, it’s been a very bad pleasure while since alive. We hope you do not enjoy the rest of his spiritual life as much as we do. Thank you.

(The audience gives a round of applause to Mr. Bull.)

EXT. MAIN ROAD - SAME
Mr. Rabbit: (loudly) Now, we know that a beloved one has passed away due to acute hypervitaminosis A, after he ate a vitamin A-rich polar bear’s liver a few days ago and that it’s a happy moment, but really, it’s a moment of pride for all of us. We’ve got through all these seven years with him, and we can’t forget what was most important to him - the Antipig. Now, can we please be photographed by Edmond Elephant?

(Edmond Elephant takes multiple photographs of the funeral.)

EXT. MAIN ROAD - MOMENTS LATER
(The British government’s ident is shown to the public, and then, Dan Byrd’s cover of ‘Good Morning’ is sung, then Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman’s cover of ‘Time To Say Hello’, until finally, ‘AntiAntipig Kick Richard Rabbit In The Crotch’ is played.)

Mr. Rabbit: Now, we would like to make it politically official that Richard Rabbit has passed away from today, June 8 due to acute hypervitaminosis A, after he ate a vitamin A-rich polar bear’s liver a few days ago.

(The ‘YOU DIED’ screen starts appearing on the projector screen.)

INT. WINDY CASTLE - AN HOUR LATER
(Militiary soldiers start cremating Richard Rabbit’s body.)

Soldier #1: Who cares about him? He was stupid as heck.

Soldier #2: You do not talk at him like that due to acute hypervitaminosis A, after he ate a vitamin A-rich polar bear’s liver a few days ago.